I have loved three men in my life.
Each one has a special part of my heart.
That part remains theirs. Forever.
As with most bloggers who write about their real life, I don’t use real names, to protect the identities of the guilty.
I have named my loves by their astrological symbols.
Taurus, Gemini and Leo.
The Bull, the Twin and the Lion.
It’s funny, I actually think of them as just that.. the bull, the twin and the lion.
The Bull. Taurus. Stubborn, unmovable. So set in his ways. I lost my virginity to the Bull. He is the father of my children. His sense of humour matched no other. He was witty and charming. A gentleman’s gentleman.
The Bull was an alcoholic chain smoker, and drank himself to ruin. He is dying now. Of cancer. The physical manifestation of the inner mental disease, of him constantly feeding himself the poison of anger and resentment of my betrayal.
The Bull will never let go. He remembers every joy and every pain. Stubborn and unmovable.
The Twin. My Gemini. Fun, loving, insatiable, and unpredictable. The yin to my yan.
The Twin let me find my adolescence. I met and married the Bull before I was grown up. I missed out on a lot. The Twin showed me what I missed.
The Twin and I had fun, so much fun. We went to concerts, we played the night away. We hosted dinners and soirées. We were the life of the party. Alway fun, always exciting.
He would wake up in the middle of the night with an idea…
The Twin adored me. I was everything to him. And he to me.
We could move mountains together. And did.
But, he had two sides. The Twin. he was desperate and needy. Always needing to know what to do, looking for direction in life.
When the party was over…. He never remembered to come home. Days, no contact. The phone would ring, and he gone. He made promises that were never fulfilled. He broke my heart again and again. I desperately needed someone reliable. He was not. He too was an alcoholic. The dark side began to blacken the sun…
He was lost, I let him go, sent him away, again and again … one day, he blew away in the wind…. and I have never found him again.
The lion, the Leo. The king of my Castle. The master of all he surveys. He commands all… reliable, predicable, everything I wished the Bull and Twin could provide.
The fulfillment of EVERY fantasy.
I wanted, no needed, a man who could take control. The Leo is in charge.
I have been able to release my need to control… mostly…and let him control our journey. It can be very releasing.. but sometime… not so much or maybe more like too much.
But Leos demand attention… un-divided, relentless…. childish sometimes in their need. “Enough about me, what do you think about me?”
The lion looks after his needs, sometimes forgets the needs of others.
I am Aquarius. The water bearer… the water witch. I am the predictably unpredictable. I can solve the issues of the world… tomorrow. I have my own set of rules, but worry about others.
I am the martyr, and the sacrifice. I will allow my own pain to continue, to endure it to ensure that others are comfortable, beyond where I should. It is my downfall.
I know that astrological signs are not scientific, but there are some truths in the ancient arts….
Read the signs…. everywhere are signs…