The other day, I had an issue with my iPad, the short version, I ended up having to reset it to factory settings. I was so upset.
I had a lot of “stuff” on my iPad. Stuff I did not want to lose. Stuff I had been saving. I used alot of F-bombs about it.
Things I did not want to lose:
- Musings I had not posted
- Documents I had created over the years.
- Emails and Notes I had saved
- My high scores in games
The funny things, two days later, my life is not any less rich for the lost. In fact, it is probably better, I feel a bit lighter, clean slate. (and I don’t keep getting that pop up telling my memory is full)
This weekend, I had a number of conversations about hoarding…. we think of hoarding as being about stuff.
But it is not necessarily just physical stuff. We hoard emotional stuff too.I found a definition of Hoarding.
Hoarding: a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possession because of a perceived need to save them.
I actually think it is more than that, it is more about a FEAR of losing them.
When you save something (In a healthy way), it is because you know you WILL need it again. You may keep something as a touchstone, of fond memories of past people or places.
If you keep something because you are afraid to lose the connection, or not to “forget” or because you just want to “own” it, this is not healthy.
I had a box of Journals. I started Journaling at 13. I have a lot. I mostly wrote when I had challenges in my life. I sometimes re-read them, when something new is challenging in my life.
Why? I don’t think it is because there is any insight. But instead, because I am Hoarding my memories. Afraid to let them go. Afraid to let go of the pain. Tucked in those journals are letters I have written, but never sent, or letters I have received. I read them over to re-live the pain of the past.
I keep every email I have received or send. Emails back and forth with people who are long gone from my life. Old Friends, ex-lovers, people who are no longer. And yet I keep them. I occasionally look them up, and re- read them, and cry over the past, what is gone.
Why? It is out of fear of losing the past. Why? There is nothing to gain there.It was pointed out to me once, that if you are constantly looking backwards, you are bound to trip and fall.
Keeping/hoarding my emotional stuff is keeping me looking backwards. It’s time to purge.
What are you hoarding? What are you keeping that you should let go of?
(Shortly after I wrote this, I had a large bonfire on the beach, and burnt my journals… letting go of the pain)